Monday, 18 June 2012


So... Today I got fired... Of course I'm really sad and have been crying a lot. They told me that they saw that I was absent way too much and didn't work fast enough. This is due to my Chronic Fatigue, so they'd rather have that I go and work on my health.

They did agree that when I was there and feeling good, that I did a good job. So I haven't been fired due to doing a poor job or anything. Being absent a lot and being slow does not only not work for them, but they also feel having a job takes too much out of me at this point. I got a lot of guidance at this job and I had similar problems at my previous jobs, so this isn't just about not being able to be a baker. It's about not being fit for a working environment.

So the plan is now that we're going to report this to the UWV (that's where I get my social security, or in Dutch; uitkering, from) and see what they have to say. My jobcoach is going to advise them to put the percentage of that they think I'm fit to work down a lot. In other words, we're going to see if we can get my hours down significantly. She's going to advise at the UWV that I can better use these hours to get the right help to work on my health. One thing we've already thought about is that we want to go to the Fatigue Centre (freely translated from: Vermoeidheidscentrum). Sorry if my English is being unusually bad at the moment. It's not every day that you need to explain things for social security in another language...

At the moment I'm just really sad. There is also a little bit of relief in the sense that I now know what I can expect, but that relief isn't making me happy, just a bit calmer. I've allowed myself to be sad over this for a while, so sorry if my blog is very sad during these days. Let's hope that my journey towards improvement will bring some more good news into this blog and also into my life. My blog was meant to bring understanding and hope. Not just show me failing at work... So I'll try hard to get my health up. For now, I'm just going to be sad for a while, so I can process this.


  1. Being fired is never fun, nor easy. But at least you have been trying your hardest and what I understood is that you did like it there (except for the last few days). And you now know that at the moment you're maybe not able to work as much as you'd want or how much the UVW wants you to work. And yes, this is probably one of the worst ways to discover your limits, but at least you know them now.

    And being sad is more than allowed. I hope I know how much working means to you, because I got the feeling that it means pretty much :) So I truly hope that after a period of being sad, you're able to look at the world again and say "This is me, and this is what I can do. Who could use my help?" because I believe that there has to be somewhere where your help is more than welcome, and where they know and understand your limits.

    Maybe I'm a tad bit too optimistic for you right now, but I hope that in due time you'll be able to be more than happy again :) And heck, I know that you will be, and it probably won't be too long either.

    For now, I wish you the best of luck on getting your health back to a level where you want it to be. Also, I'll stop my rumbling for now :)

    1. There's nothing wrong with being optimistic, as long as it's realistic. You're not just saying 'you'll find a way!', but you're also admitting that I'll first need to work on myself and THEN I'll find my way. And to me, that seems like realistic optimism and that's fine. In fact, some realistic optimism is probably good right now.

    2. Well, I've been down a lot myself lately, and I know that stuff like "you'll find a way!" depresses me (you?) even more than people who are neutral about it. So I didn't want to give you that treatment ;)

    3. Thank you for understanding. :)

  2. ah that sucks girl well hope you get your fatique up soon so you can get back to work

    good luck with that

  3. Heey,
    Ben ik weer...
    Dit is natuurlijk wel flink balen.
    Aan de andere kant, vond ik je nou niet bepaald relaxed meer over komen sinds je deze baan had.
    Had ik eigenlijk al het idee dat het teveel voor je was.
    Maargoed, nu toch tegen je eigen grenzen aangelopen.

    Nooit fijn om met je eigen grenzen geconfronteerd te worden, maar wel goed. Je moet ze zo nu en dan tegenkomen om te weten waar ze liggen.

    Het lijkt me idd een goed idee om eerst wat meer met jezelf aan de slag te gaan. Voordat je weer gaat starten met een nieuwe job.
    Goed dat je daar hulp bij gaat zoeken. En naar het vermoeidheids centrum wilt gaan.
    Al denk ik dat het traag zijn in je werk en het snelle moe zijn ook nog wel deels autisme gerelateerd kan zijn..
    Ofwel ik herken het zelf ook, loop ook vast op die punten.
    Bij mij komt het door het autisme.

    Misschien een idee dat als je hulp zoekt, dat je kijkt of er mensen zijn die meer weten van de combinatie ass en chronische vermoeidheid. Die kijken naar jou als persoon en niet naar enkel een van die dingen.

    Nujah, succes verders!!
    Enneh... niet bij de pakken neer gaan zitten he?

  4. Vind het erg vervelend voor je, veel sterkte!